Dealing with negative energy12:31:00 PM
|How cute is this poster my cousin made to encourage people to vote for me? I feel the LOVE (:|
Today morning I woke up to this amazing poster by one of my cousins, he has started a #voteSitawa campaign to encourage people to vote for me for the Google Africa Connected competition (You can vote for me by visiting their site and looking for my video, Sitawa - Kenya. Once you vote, share the link with your friends and tweet me). What actually struck me was the hug, Lord knows I needed one of those last week. One of my friends told me, each level has its own demons. I guess I am moving to a new level in my life and work because I do not know these demons.Until recently, last week actually, I have always lived in my own bubble where the voices in my head (aka the council of elders in my head) were louder than voices outside (real humans). I think that is one of the things that has given me a push to be where I am with my work given everyday is a struggle to silence the council of elders in my head and once I have tried, tested and succeeded, I share THE SECRET with the rest of y'all.
Well, last week was something out of a movie script for me, the voices outside got way louder than usual and I did not just hear them but they broke me down one too many times and I remember one evening getting on my knees and telling God, I don't want to live this life, if I will be crying myself to sleep every night and dreading mornings because i have to deal with so much negativity, this new level business is not for me. But again I thought why am I working so hard to make things better for myself and those with mental health conditions and their families only to ask God to take this cup from me?
Today as I write this post I am in a good space, it has been five trying days for me and I would love to share some of the ways I dealt and lived to write this post instead of being in bed sick right now scheming a suicide mission...and everyone who knows what I am all about say AMEN!!!
As much as it always feels like a slippery pole that you are trying really hard to hold on to with no success, task yourself to take charge of the things you still have control over, however little like your eating or any other activities especially the ones you love. I made a conscious decision that yes this hurts and is putting me down and can trigger so many things but I will go down fighting it, no way am I releasing myself to negativity.
I did a poem titled 512 comments which i will share soon and I cried a lot when I was writing it then it felt good having washed away all that negativity and released it from my heart. By now you all know I am a crier (is that a word?) I cry when I hear good music, I cry when I watch movies, I cry when I write some of my blog posts, I cry when my friends randomly send me love wheew I cry a lot and I love it because it rejuvenates me.
3. Unplug and Zone off
Because of the whole Google Africa Connect competition and interview after interview, like last week I was on KTN and Nation newspaper on the same day, different bloggers have done pieces so my phone has been ringing off the hook, my inbox is full...bloggers, journalists, organizations. I am still getting used to all the attention, gone are the days I get on a matatu and nobody knows me, yesterday at church half the people want to say hi and wheeew it is too much for me but as I am learning, it is part of my new level. So I went to my movie guy and got 3 movies, one of them was being mary jane which I had seen mentioned on my TL a few times, switched off my phone and I let those be my best friends and when i eventually switched it on, I felt relaxed and in control. I am also being picky about whose calls I want to pick and those I will just ignore.
4. Tell someone you trust
Because it is a totally new experience for me, i am used to blog comments and emails type of reactions, now people actually know my face, they know my story, I need support around me and I thank God I have 4 people I can cry in front of and I wont feel judged or feel like I am being petty; my BasicNeeds Family esp Arita, Tarzan aka Superman, my Uncle Musee and Aunt Jane. These are people I text how I am feeling and they always know what to say or do. I show them my nudity (weakness) and they cover me with love over and over again...I love y'all deeply.
5. Get a different setting
Saturday afternoon I went for the Awesome Nairobi event and it was amazing to be on a beautiful roof top with awesome people doing awesome things for the society and I felt really blessed and encouraged to be there and my faith was renewed like it is everytime I preach the mental health gospel. I got back home wondering when will Monday get here, I have work to do and a positive vibe to crown it all.
6. Take it to the cross
Then there was church yesterday I felt so so good, just singing my heart out, worshiping God and putting it at the cross and even after Church was done, I was still in deep worship and slept at 4am working and worshiping and feeling good about myself and my work and I think if there are any voice teaming against me this week, you ain't ready for me.
7. Count your blessing
I have so much to be thankful for, I have achieved a lot despite it all and watching this beautiful interview Victoria Rubadiri did for her Women and Power segment and reading this article about me reminded me of how AMAZING I am, of how, as they as, I am too blessed to be stressed.
How do y'all deal with negative energy?
Whatever you method, after all is said and done, all you have is your soul and it is up to you to search it and firmly know who you are and what your position on this earth is and once you know it, nothing can move you because two solid masses can occupy the same space. Be solid in what you do. Be solid in who you are. Despite the challenges you have, you have a RIGHT to be here.