Does it feel good or does it feel right12:02:00 PM
|Letting go means learning new things, like fishing; fishing for the right things|
I did a repost on Letting it go yesterday and a few questions came my way? How do you know what to let go? When to let it go and How to let it go? Saying you are letting go is easy, I know of party souls that swear that will be their last ever night out after falling in ditches or waking up with the worst hangover, of girls who are the other woman and swear never to be in touch with ‘their men’ after seeing them hand in hand with their wives and girlfriends in the malls. We all have one of these things in our lives, something that always feels good until a certain point…but it is not right from whatever angle. The problem with right things, they have no feelings and if any, it is confusion and doubt…like when you get into a matatu with 1000 and the Kange gives you 500 to hold on as he looks for the rest of your balance. He comes back and gives you another 500 plus the rest of your balance, it feels good to have an extra 500, it feels good to have all the overcharged fare from last week returned to you. The rightful thing, though painful, is to tell the Kange he had already given you the 500…If you are a business person, you know how painful it is to lose even twenty shillings especially if you are balancing books and that is how we operate, we know the right things but it feels so damn good on this side, we either postpone or try to build pillars in preparation to our big switch that never happens.
What is your business? (How to know what to let go of)
Very many things in our lives are important but very few are necessary and I think the best of us need to repeat the serenity prayer to know the difference. Still on that kange story, the good thing does not have second thoughts and getting supporting factors as to why you should keep the money is easy but the flip is a torturous process. You imagine all the things you will lose out on if you do not have that extra 500, a pair of shoes from the side walk, a wash and set (if it is around that range), mani-pedi, a quesadilla and the list goes on yet deep down you know it is not the right thing to do. We all want the good things in life, no one ever says they want the right things in life unless they are in activism or religion.
Every business needs a mission, vision and objective and that is what makes an event planner A deal with corporates, event planner B with entertainment events, event planner C with weddings. If event planner D does not know who they are, they will adapt to anything hence have more heart broken nights. Same with our lives, if we do not know our business, what we want from any relationships/ partnerships we get into we will have to adapt to what is thrown our way then one day we will wake up and not recognize ourselves.
Come out of where you are tolerated to where you are celebrated (when to let it go)
Once you identify what you stand for or against, it is time to let go which can be a one off thing or a long process. Mine has been a six year journey, yes, that is a life time. I have been in a friendship for the past six years that has seen me really high, literally, and it has had its lows but none beats last year’s. So for the last three or so months, we dedicated efforts on forgiveness and closure, we even had a routine made easy by technology, BBM, DM and all the rest. Sunday afternoons were movie hang out days, but yesterdays was different, I couldn’t shake a mental stock take and I came up with at least ten other things or people I should have spent that afternoon with and got value addition. It felt really harsh, here is someone who had outdone themselves in so many issues to make things go back to better than they were before but I felt the whole thing was more of toleration instead of a celebration of the milestones made over the three months and so I just had to ask that we have a breather. It didn’t feel good asking for that, but it is the right thing to do because we sure were not making each other. I was busy trying to assure myself that I had forgiven them and they were busy trying to throw every possible work of assurance that they are sorry and now that the apology and the accepting the apology was getting old, we were in limbo. It feels good to have pretty little things said and done for me, but if there is no follow through shaking hands and saying good bye is the right thing to do. My dad always told me that everything in our life either makes or breaks us, that I should always stock keep. Well numbers do not lie.
It is called the past because I am going past (How to let it go)
One big mistake we all make, yours truly included, is that we never burn our ploughs. In the Bible Elisha I think was a farmer and when he was called into ministry and he was asked to burn his plough so that when things get hard in ministry he stands up and says, this is all I have, it has to work instead of at least my jembe and panga are still in the store, let me go back to the rivers I am used to swimming in. Letting go comes with a routine change. I woke up at 2 am this morning because I was disturbed I had not wished my friend a lovely night but thank God from past experience I had frozen all contact details. There is no moving forward if we still have our old accounts intact. We should strive to replace that space with something productive. Since this friendship was not building me, I will try the ten other things on my mental notes, if this friendship is something I need to be in, the fairy tale happy endings lover in me will meet it at number 11 as a new and improved relationship that will be of as much value to me as I will be to it. That said, anyone with any adventurous social events that do not involve drinking holla at me, I need a new Sunday afternoon routine.
Letting go is not just about relationships, it can be habits, if it is something that does not go with your business, something that is not building or making you, people, jobs, hobbies that do not challenge you or bring out the best in you. One of my best people in this world has to be my African child Lam Tungwar, this man always challenges me. I can stay upto six months without seeing him especially since they relocated to Southern Sudan but when he is in town and we do a lunch or dinner, I am fuelled for another six months. Stock taking is not just when things are going downhill, it should be a daily affair, it helps you know if your business is on the right track, my friend Ming taught me something called peak and pit, every day or after every event I need to ask myself what was my peak moment and what was my pit one and then make a conscious effort to maintain the peak as I make amends for the pit.
Failing is a way of life, before you know your business, a little trial and error, wait and see happens. I think I have fallen more times than I can count, at times I have fallen at the same spot and entertained the thought of it being my rightful spot because it always felt good but it was not in line with my business, my personal mission and vision, with where I want to go and be.
|if you try hard enough, you will sure catch what you are looking for|
Looking forward to your letting go stories, peaks and pit and also the pillars you have in your life that keep you in check with what you are meant to be in check with?