PUBLIC APOLOGY - MY SIDE OF THE STREET3:54:00 PM
|Image at Kuona Trust|
Since I wrote my previous post on suicide I have received numerous emails from all corners of the globe include Suicide Help Centres. The emails ranged from good, others telling of their own attempts, you will be surprised by the numbers, I can start a movement and well some, some went ahead and really committed suicide and left suicide notes addressed to me.(May your soul rest in peace). For the past week, I have been trying to reconcile with myself, I mean I am still here,it is the least I can do, sorry it is the most I can do. I even went on a date, get the juice here and had my bestfriend who I doubt is human at times, carry my hand bag because i had to do the whole clutch thing...love you Monday Delight.
Flashforward to today, my pal Zawadi invited me to her church and I was ish ish given I have to go all the way from Ngong and get two javs to be there plus I would have to have a face to face with her, that is hard work but she told me when she prayed in the AM, she prayed for me, God listens, He does. So i texted Zawadi and told her i will be late which i wasn't really and well it was an amazing service. I cried more times than I can remember but I have to say when Astar sang, Public Apology, above, a song that really got me.
|Astar doing his song at Church today (Pic from Mavuno Album)|
The song talks about all the apologies we need to make(that he needs to make) and all those we need to forgive either the apologies were made or not. I know I said it before to all those who asked me to put that post about suicide down that I am not sorry about it, yes I am not sorry about putting that post up, the dude who tried reaching to me and eventually committed suicide because I said I am still too fragile for a face to face hence addressed half his note to me is gone, my condolences to his family who had to google me to tell me.
My public apology starts here
I am one. I am human, I am young, I have dreams and ambitions and so many other things I would like to do but if I stopped for a moment and checked my side of the street I will get there, God with all His grace rested on the 7th day.
If I stopped and checked on my bestfriend not as one I run to when I need to hide but through the good and bad because he deserves better, he aint perfect, who is...and over and over he tells me I do not need to prove myself to anyone. All I need to be is happy with me, Sitawa that who he is best friends with.
So I am stopping for a minute and going for that fashion party despite not knowing heads or tails about it.
So I am running this amazing platform which has a site and is developing a mobile app to uplift upcoming designers and models that now I has stockists and make up and hair people knocking at my door.
So now I am allowing people to spoil me, see what Zawadi did for me today, she got me A LOVELY top notice the change in pix, a devotional book and a stunners treat and it felt nice having a face to face.
And as the pastor went on today, I thought I need to apologize so this is my public apology;
1. To God for taking for granted all the wonderful ideas that flow through my head,
2.To family people I only see when I walk in and out of the house, I promise remote wars will be returning to that house pretty soon,
3. To all the people who wrote in and said Sitawa if you went back to the days you did one poetry gig a month, we will still admire you,
4. To my best friend, I swear I will marry you in my next life,
5. To my support group here and worldwide, shoot me the next time my convo starts with work and not the 40 year old I am trying to date (: and
Marriage proposal to self
6. To Sitawa Wafula, I am sorry for taking you for granted, for not realising that you need to laugh, that you need to sit in the house and watch real TV not cuddle with the laptop in bed and repeat the same movie over and over for a week to kinda get what it is all about. You are a beautiful and talented young lady who has places to go, people to touch, hearts to break, heads to spin and you cannot do that unless you care...so do you Situawa Wafula, take Sitawa Wafula as you most treasured poccession, to love, to cherish and to hold until the Lord take you home and to always keep this side of the street clean...I do, you may now go buy yourself some fancy tops after spoiling myself silly with some chicken at KFC c/o my Sunday afternoon date (: (will share pix)
PS: Pix c/o of Zawadi, love you babe (: