call tyrone10:53:00 AM
|Every time i ask you for a little cash, you say no and turn right |
round and ask me for some ass,so you better call Tyrone...
Today like in the past few days i am feeling drowsy, I am buffering and cant seem to get anything done, my mojo has gone out the window so today I asked God why I sleep so much these days, why i wake up tired, why i am not as productive as enthusiastic, why this mental issues always get in my way when I am almost getting my big break...He called the local station and dedicated Tyrone by Erykah Badu to me...He told me to listen especially to the line where she says,Every time i ask you for a little cash, you say no and turn right round and ask me for some ass,so you better call Tyrone...
I didnt want to come to work today, i didnt want to do anything but I am here in the office. I have been rushing around trying to be someone or something but I ended up doing nothing, being no-one. I just want to be, be me.I want to wake up late,work late with neo-soul in the background,work at my pace on my things, the things I love,my poetry,my campaigns, my events company. I hate deadlines prefer time lines but because of funny committees that need to be formed to assess and build up, i have to work with deadlines. I hate pressure,it melts me down and people breathing down my throat brings out the chicken in me. I know thats the real world and if i have to live in it I have to be, join in.Hell I am changing all that;if i cant beat them, i wont join them, i will make my own bloody rules because I have to be real to me for if I live as the world will it live like me, I tried that and well you know the story.
Today is Thursday, I havent touched a single thing on my Monday to do list. I cant explain what I have been doing on this desk since Monday and the only productive thing I have done was the shoot on Tuesday. I have been obsessing on something that wasnt now I need to start afresh. One thing I have learnt is that there is always a lesson and in these three days i have been in limbo,these past three days of unproductivity, days when i actually auctioned my body on twitter;is that at times we put so much time and effort to be like, to look like, to be seen with or associated with but if only we were we, did what we are here to do...if only we walked naked and enjoyed the sun, felt its heat irritate us and wished for rain which could wash away all our sorrows and have us jump and splash water on each other, then and only then will a day in the office make sense.
People write to me and say i am an inspiration, I write to me and ask myself how come I do not inspire myself in moments such as this? Who treats the doctor? Who counsels the counselor? Who preaches to the preacher? I guess this is the part they don't look around but look above. Some have mentors, I wish I had,my pen and paper have been all I have got but I am moving on up, not forgetting where I am coming from,I am striving to reach where I need to be and maybe these feelings are a tag of war,me trying to be real with my hommies as my dreams and aspirations reach the clouds we always yearn for.That is why I look up to the sky because that is the only place my help will come from and as much I have so much riding on my shoulders, all i have at the end of each day is me. Tomorrow a new face will be on that paper, a new voice on that microphone. That sit you jazz yourself on will be taken by another.May be I am a failure, maybe I am unfocused, maybe I am all those leftist things but I wake up every morning and I make the house-help smile, I make small talk with the newspaper vendor as I wait for the mat, I chat with a broken-hearted person,I know this feeling, I have been here before,so I will not wait for a break down to catch up with me then look up, i will look up then work.For if I did the former fast, I am no different from Ms.Badu's boy,calling on God for some ass yet cant give him a minute of my time.He isn't my errand boy,He began a good work in me and He will be faithful to complete it but I too have to play my part, my body may be in limbo but I cant afford to wait for it to catch up with the rest of us, it should take its committee mentality and shove it elsewhere because in this scene we are not tagging Jim, James, Paul and Tyrone.
I am standing still to move mountains, I have to be at home with myself and whatever is making me faint then and only then shall I live as the world. I am in my element, standing still to move mountains.So all these things can call Tyrone and him to come help take there shit.