in my element3:00:00 PM
I have been getting mail asking what happened to Poetry at Discovery, when will be hosting again et al and yesterday I got one too many notes I had to update on the group page and the Sitawa page just to break the buzz. A pal had earlier told me that I was losing on a lot by being on the sidelines, I held my peace but shared this on the page 'Reminiscing on days when it was all about...'
Poetry to me is more than just the hype, its not about being on the limelight. Give me a room of only ten sincere art lovers any day over a crowd out for hype.If you have been reading,it is a personal affair right from Sun 15th right to A little more and yes if you took the time to really read A little more, it is personal.I know if all else was to go, this WORD is what would remain, it is the only baby i would fight for...so why aint I fighting now? What's there to fight for? I am in my element, I am reminiscing on days gone by,not regretting but counting my blessings, the growth,healing and so many other things this words have done for me...I am in my element remembering May 2009 before those15 beautiful sections of Poetry at Discovery were, the shaky start that almost made it not to happen, that first gig that had eight people,five of whom were my girls so you can do the Math but for me that was a leap...I had organized and hosted a gig without any prior info and am glad when people ask for advice because I have been there,done that and now I can write and teach about it, that's growth, that's a gift beyond and I learn as I teach and as I plan for Season Two of Poetry hosting, I am taking time and loving every moment of it. I am enjoying going to gigs and seeing my babies on the stage repping without a paper in their hands or scrolling down some gadget...mama's proud of y'all.
Among the women I think I can sit down and have a real heart to heart with is Lauryn Hill .I have learnt this from her life;We keep on our grind for far too long, far too much that we forget who we are because we let that grind that we create create us...she deserved the hiatus.So I made pre-last quarter resolutions way before the quarter began, it was all sub-conscious and it hit me I had made them yesterday after a series of emails. I don't know how the year has been for you but if you have been reading you know 2010 has been a hell of a rollercoster ride for me, from Establishment 1st Quarter to an Affair in the 2nd Quarter that took me back to go making Quarter 3, Quarter 1 and jumbling everything up. I like Neema's Song I choose the music especially the opening part where she says 'I can lay down and cry, i can give up the fight but this is not the end...' It never ends until you let it, so i got back on my grind, found the industry has got a make-over, tried dusting relationships 101 and realigning myself but my shouts where wall punches.
I think the highlights of this whole year unfold everyday as I sink into my element and know this is who I am, this is what I have and make conscious decisions on that. My baby,Poetry on Discovery is on season break but I am in the kitchen,conceptualizing not just for that but the three other bundles of joy God has blessed me with i.e pad-raising campaign, Joint Ambassador for Mental Health Advocacy and my latest addition events-sitawa. I know I have been doing events but I am elevating it and it feels like it was in class eight and now it is facing form one culture shock. So all these projects did make a cherry happy jolly birthday present for me and as I thought how would I like Year 26 to be, I whispered to myself, I want to be in my element...
In my element
I have spent my silver years crisscrossing life on the fab lane with some not so fabulosity, dealing with dropping out, seizures, rape traumas, half baked positions and here I am with yet another chance. It is all a breath of fresh air,shower moments and every day I wake up and it gets better because I went back to the middle and I realized that there things I can do without and some I just cant,I have me for the rest of my life and I have to make a conscious decision of what I really want to do with me...that decision is my grind,my status be it poet,actuarial scientist, bum hell that is who I decide to be and I know that with that status or title I will have days that I will shine,be the only poet some people know hence the best poet they know and other days no one will know me and I will sit and wonder where this newspaper clipping is or why that interview that had me called me Phenomonal Woman doesn't pile up when my name is googled.
I am in my element and I know that I need these days to learn, to grow, to create a better shine. I recall reading an article by Philip Mwaniki about the alternate shine of international entertainers and having a discussion with a friend on the same,apparently in worlds far away from home people do 6 months of writing, 6 months in the studio and learning dance routines,then 6 months on tour finally 6 months of rest and reading ,writing then studio.Put together with Mwaniki's article,it all boils down to the quality of certain genres, how they keep going from strength to strength as their is respect for the art first and foremost and you can respect if you don't know something's worth.
I am in my element and I have learnt that the new kinda brings a glow to the old and the new can only come up if the old gives way,that is where African leadership fails. So this quarter I will keep on my grind, I will listen, I will learn...this quarter I am in my element,being a thousand shilling note looking for a fellow thousand shilling note.