Monday, January 4, 2010

a little more

Performing at The Junction 
Poetry Nite, 2008

Your first fan should be you, I am not sure who said that and yes I know I am online but I just cannot check it out…it is like someone asking for a spelling or definition on their Facebook status when they can easily Google it…well its human nature I guess and that will be a topic for another day when am feeling all so psychological. 

Long, short…I am my first fan and a piece dear to me is, a little more. It is so dear I am seriously looking for a guitar teacher and working my soprano(PS:I am stewing a performance remix),I even renamed the book to a little more…yep am a little more in love this piece, maybe its because I wrote it immediately after a meditation series and reading Ezekiel 16-Divine inspiration, maybe its because I can relate to it- its real life in its rawest…raw…love that word too…a little more, raw…I adore those words. We are whores to something; always want a little more of it, again; human nature. The things we do, the people we strive to be, the legacies we’d love to build, leave and remembered by, the love we get…all that depends on the smallest of things pieced together…a little more.

Today is the fourth day of 2010 and I am already over the New Year buzz…mien!!!I was Cinderella on New Year btw and my Prince Charming…well if I start I wont stop… me, the life I live, him, his charm, the castle, the after life…it doesn’t cost to dream. I so wish I had a spillover of joy, my new year eve was thumbs up no doubt, but instead of thinking Prince Charming will be coming round with a golden slipper, I have this urge to be a little more at home with the fact that I am not perfect,yep…that despite knowing how hot chilli is, I still ate it and I ate it raw…that word again…If I was a little more stronger, said no a little more, maybe just maybe I would not be a little more disturbed. When the rest of the world was making mental, physical and other resolutions, I was unmaking a life one, digging deeper into a hole with the yellow do not cross this line tape. But hell we all have those addictions, a habit we call old and wallow in the fact that those old ones die hard, it’s a core deep desire; a signature if you think about it a little more.

You know a little more about this signature, this addiction, this desire that is a Catch 22 of sorts. It’s who you are yet it’s who you don’t want to be. It’s what you try so much not to do but it’s what you do best. In rehab they say relapses are good, they are part of the healing process but I think it all depends a little more on how you handle it. Do you like the character in the piece sit and say you carry a little more, that you try a little more harder, that the way you’ve been living is a little more easier when you know it’s harder than hard? Or like a battered spouse do you stick there, ‘holding on for the children’ because you do not want to be second hand merchandise…News Flash, the second you let something control you, you become second hand, period!!! That was harsh but pity parties have never been to my fancy.

Alanis Morisette has a song I like titled Ironic and among my best lines are; it’s like meeting the man of my dreams then meeting his beautiful wife. I dissolved my New Year resolutions way before the New Year, quit a job before I began, broke up with him before we started going out, hanged up before the phone rang…isn’t it ironic coz I really needed those resolutions for tranquility, needed the job to pay my bills, love that guy to wherever people love to these days, it has been a while and I was seriously waiting for that call…isn’t it ironic? But hey am here today, I might not stick to the contract I made with the Man above, I forget to read the Bible and its the first thing I see when I open my eyes ok second after checking if someone missed me at night and decided to send me a naughty one(ok focus) worse forget the verse I have just read and go write ahead and do that thing that I was to stay away from, but hey I am here diarize, isn’t it ironic…God you rock…and resolutions, who came up with that idea, that every year we should make resolutions. I think resolutions should be hourly, momentarily or daily things, how else can we grow?

Some people cry, OD and go all suicidal about it when they mis-step, others pray and fast, try getting deliverance from, seek help for it and in cases like mine write poems and/or attempt to blog but all in all we look for a way to be a little more once we realize we are here, when we know we will fall, I already have tihi tihi, that we will fail. I also know that I will be a dog and eat my own vomit…But I also have the knowledge that I am here and that every moment I am here is a chance to be a little more; a little more bigger, a little more better, a little more brighter, that every today is a chance to make a sweeter tomorrow and correct yesterday’s ills. Who knows I may actually get over my addiction, once I really figure it out.

So how did your year begin? Are you a little more of course and a little more into extinction or are you a little more in rehab like me-we meet daily online…hehe, cute single boys advised to join in their thousands…you know all it takes is a little more.

A little more of Sitawa later, let me wait and see if Prince Charming’s boys will come round with the golden slipper, mwaah!!!

4 comments:

  1. whoaa..supergirl. here comes a charming prince #1 riding in a volvo to keep you in a likkle more warmer. great blog you will have here. i love the humour. in this piece. cutting and engaging. cosmic irony. like my round square.

    cheers.

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  2. The more I read..and re-read this poem a little more..the more I discover its potent and deep richness..OMG!Whatever went through your mind to pen this poem must have been a God-sent spiritual spell! The way it's spiced up, intricately sculptured... and served with a smile...tickles my lips..and sweetly jogs my human mind...a little more!clap!clap!clap!Great!

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  3. ‎"Your mother, your sister, your grandmother, or the woman you're going to marry some day, she might have lost her virginity by being a victim of rape... and she might never tell you. You poor bastards might never know, and it's because women are prouder than men, and every time we've been made slaves, it's only with th...e help of our women that we have risen up and fought oppression of every single kind.......

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  4. Hope you are being a little more of who you are meant to be every day.

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